ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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