I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
