Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
