So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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