Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
