lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
