Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
