I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
