at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
