How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
