I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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