video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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