My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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