you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
