he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't deserve a penis
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
