Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
