It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
