I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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