I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
