every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
