I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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