is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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