The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
