thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize