My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
