she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
