you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize