is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
