and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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