I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
