So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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