Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
