does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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