Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she looked like the before picture.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
