The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
