I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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