oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
