addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
