This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
