kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
