I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Randomize
