started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
