M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize