the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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