is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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