you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
