so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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