I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am mentally ready for anal.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
