Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize