ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
we should paint friendship bongs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
