fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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