Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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