The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dear god my vagina.
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