shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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