i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
