i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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