I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
