Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
