6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
