i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
