You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
