Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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