Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
