it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
