i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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