She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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