Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
