i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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