He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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