I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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