if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
