I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
