There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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