You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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